When I’m upset about what other people
think about me, and feel ‘less than’, here are what my mistakes are:
1. People have varied worth. (Truth: all people are of
infinitive and indivisible worth).
2. My personal worth is (a)
finite and (b) fluctuating (this
flows from 1.)
3. I need to work out what my worth is. (Truth: once the
truth in 1. is established, that holds forever and does not need to be checked
or re-established).
4. My worth is based on how well I score against certain
criteria. (Truth: see 1.)
5. Appearance, achievement, popularity, sex, money, etc. are
good criteria. (Truth: these are superficial values and, being mutable, are
terrible criteria for judging worth. The only valid parameter to measure is
performance, not worth, and the criteria for ‘have I performed well?’ are (a) Am I using my time well? (b) Am I fully engaged in my activities? These
are the only criteria over which we have control: disposition of time and
presence).
6. To measure my score against certain criteria I should reference
other people’s response to me. (Truth: other people are no more qualified to
judge worth than me.)
7. Other people have validly measured my worth. (Truth: people
rarely systematically establish others’ worth and if they do their assessment
is valueless.)
8. I can infer what worth they have ascribed to me by
interpreting their facial expressions, tone of voice, other gestures, and behaviour
in general as these are the sole indicator of my worth and indicate nothing but
my worth. (Truth: these external observations are a sign of many things, the
very least of which is what worth others fleetingly ascribe to me; furthermore,
unless I’m a trained behavioural analysist and psychologist, this is a
perilously dilettante exercise).