From the St Augustine Prayer Book list of undesirable character traits: ‘Malice.
Ill-will, false accusations, slander, backbiting. Reading false motives into
others’ behaviour. Initiation, collection or retailing gossip. Arousing,
fostering, or organising antagonism against others. Unnecessary criticism, even
when true.’
From the Big Book: ‘We families of
Alcoholics Anonymous keep few skeletons in the closet. Everyone knows about the
others’ alcoholic troubles. This is a condition which, in ordinary life, would
produce untold grief; there might be scandalous gossip, laughter at the expense
of other people, and a tendency to take advantage of intimate information.
Among us, these are rare occurrences. We do talk about each other a great deal,
but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance.’
From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: ’Self-righteous
anger also can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way, we can actually take
satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a
comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form
of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here
we are not trying to help those we criticise; we are trying to proclaim our own
righteousness.’
From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: ‘One
unkind tirade or one wilful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another
person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint
of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious,
power-driven argument.’
From Dr Bob’s Farewell Talk: ‘Let us also remember
to guard that erring member the tongue, and if we must use it, let’s use it
with kindness and consideration and tolerance.’