When you are royally screwed and all else fails:
(1) Admit that your knowledge is risibly inadequate; that your perception of that fragment of knowledge is skewed; that your interpretation of that skewed perception of that fragment of knowledge is flawed.
(2) Stop making decisions based on that interpretation.
(3) Put down all defences.
(4) Say, "I do not care how long the process takes; I do not care if I am ever happy; I do not care if anything ever goes my way again; I just want THIS to stop."
(5) Flail helplessly on the altar of God, begging for mercy.
(6) Ask someone to take you through every action set out in the first 164 pages of the Book 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. Pretend you have never done it before, even if you have.