Monday, 27 March 2017

There is no problem

There is no problem. There is only God. I can opt to serve God, or I can wallow and wade and wander in dark wilderness avoiding this only true option.

A heart overflowing with gratitude has no room for resentment or fear, and gratitude will attract gratitude: whatever I project into the world will be reflected back at me.

What is the basis for gratitude? Humility: the recognition of the nothingness of self and the all-ness of God, and the corollary: all good comes from God (via the True Self) and no good comes from self (the false self). This humility is the basis of anonymity: identity = the false self. No self means there is nothing to harm, and there is no possibility of fear or resentment.

So, on the basis of gratitude, humility, and anonymity, I launch into the week with one desire and one desire only: to serve God and to carry this message of recovery into every corner of my life.

How?

Sponsorship
Sharing (in all modes, wherever I encounter unrecovered, recovering, or recovered alcoholics)
Service

How else?

Practising these principles in all our affairs. But the 'how' comes before the 'how else'.

Get to it!

Saturday, 25 March 2017

PACK—MINI-WORKSHOP—MARCH 2017—SWEDEN

·         STEP FOUR: How do I deal with resentment, fear, and selfishness that do not go away even when I do inventory, pray, and help someone?


·         STEP ELEVEN: How do you become enlightened?
·         STEP ELEVEN: Why am I looking in lots of different places to find enlightenment?


·         STEP ELEVEN: Can you recommend some spiritual literature?


·         STEP ELEVEN: Can you recommend anything on Christian mysticism?

No.

·         STEP TWELVE: Where can I find newcomers?


·         STEP TWELVE: As a CA member can I look for newcomers to work with in other Big Book fellowships?

Yes, but only as a member of those fellowships.

·         STEP TWELVE: What do you do if people get upset and angry because you are carrying the message?


·         STEP TWELVE: How do you guide someone through the steps?


·         GENERAL: How do you deal with aggressive people?


·         GENERAL: Can you entirely get rid of self with God’s aid (cf. page 62)?


·         GENERAL: What other AA literature should one read?

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age
Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers

·         GENERAL: What is the second surrender?


·         GENERAL: Do you have to work the steps more than once? If so, how often?

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Acting out

If we're powerless, how are we staying sober long enough to take the Steps? The answer is grace. If we slip, we need more grace, and action activates grace. The shorter the leash, the greater the grace required, and the greater the action required.

With alcohol, 100% action is always sufficient to remain sober in order to complete the process of the Steps. With other addictions (particularly food and sex), it is regularly the case that an individual who is taking 100% of the suggestions still finds themselves acting out.

Sometimes such individuals are told they have not got Step One and are put back at Step One (or some exercise prior to Step One). In fact, sometimes people are trapped in this loop, because they are being prohibited from taking the actions of the Steps required to access power until they demonstrate they have accessed power sufficiently to remain clean. This is both irrational and cruel.

On the other hand, an individual might say, 'I'm powerless, which means I can act out all I want, because God will decide when He wants to keep me abstinent.' This is going to the other absurd extreme.

A more helpful approach is this:

  • Anyone can stay abstinent for a little bit on their own with willpower.
  • Anyone can put together abstinence time not by trying to remain abstinent but by committing to a daily programme of action that effectively ties up their entire schedule from the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep.
  • This daily programme of action consists in substituting healthy activities (Steps, service, fellowship, job, home, family, and other obligations, general life maintenance, and fun) for the acting out.
  • This is supported by constant conscious contact with God.
  • Willpower is absolutely required (see page 85 of the Big Book) but is directed at the positive action in the place of avoiding the negative action.
  • In many cases, this will indeed bring about full abstinence, leading to permanent abstinence.
  • In as many cases, however, there are disconcerting lapses in behavioural addictions.

The response to this is:

  • Do not beat yourself up.
  • Tighten up the actions forming the programme described above. (See page 120 of the Big Book).
  • Do everything to develop a closer relationship with God and to rely on God for everything at all times.
  • Decide you are not to act out one day at a time, regardless of how you feel or what happens and place yourself entirely at God's mercy to achieve this.
Experience suggests that this approach will diminish the occurrence of and ultimately eliminate the acting out. The acting out will stay eliminated provided that all of amends are completed, no new unamended harm builds up, and concerted daily action is taken on Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve.

Sometimes total abstinence is instant; sometimes it is not. When it is not, bad luck, but don't give in. Give it more welly.

Become a leader

After you've been through the Steps a couple of times, you're a few years sober, and things are going well, it is time to become a leader. What does this mean? Well, it certainly does not mean taking command. It does mean taking action however.

The main features are these:

  • Acting as a co-custodian of the traditions and concepts at your 'base camp' home group.
  • Starting a new Big Book-based, step-focused 'outreach' group (away from the home group you got sober in), preferably in a part of town where there is a great need for solid recovery but where there are few if any Big Book or step meetings.
  • Engaging in service above group level to take a role in running the AA service structure and in carrying AA's message to the outside world.
There is a point at which one has to become a giver as well as a taker and use the strength of the base camp AA group to extend the message out into the AA world as a whole and indeed the world as a whole.

Now

I got well 99% through turning outwards to the world as it is now and engaging it as one of a gazillion (that’s a technical term) (almost) identical souls grazing as it were in the pastures of God and 1% looking (but not staring) at my gruesome memories of the past (NB not the past: my talking portraits of it hung in the halls of my mind—this is important because the past cannot harm me; suffering can arise only from the portraits still present in my mind). The 1% is sadly unavoidable, but sustainable, provided however that I quarantine it successfully and do not think about let alone dwell on it when I am not doing so for the express purpose of extracting useful information about exactly what I thought and did, in order that the past can be neutralised (and, to take the portrait image, repainted) through reinterpretation, forgiveness, and amends. It is vital, therefore, to spot and immediately move away from any negative thought—specifically any negative thought about the past or about myself. This is the practice of Step Ten. The following passage by Emmet Fox is helpful, too:

January 23

THE LAW OF SUBSTITUTION

There are a few great laws that govern all thinking, just as there are a few fundamental laws in chemistry. We know that thought control is the key of destiny, and in order to learn thought control we have to know and understand these laws.

One of the great mental laws is the Law of Substitution. This means that the only way to get rid of a certain thought is to substitute another one for it. You cannot dismiss a thought directly. You can do so only by substituting another one for it. If I say to you, ‘Do not think of the Statue of Liberty,’ of course, you immediately think of it. If you say, ‘I am not going to think of the Statue of Liberty,’ that is thinking about it. But if you become interested in something else, you forget all about the Statue of Liberty—and this is a case of substitution.

When negative thoughts come to you, do not fight them, but think of something positive. Preferably think of God; but if that is difficult at the moment, turn your attention to something quite different.

‘But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil… (Matthew 5:39).

‘With him is wisdom and strength, he hath counsel and understanding’ (Job 12:13).




Sunday, 19 March 2017

Will God change my thinking?

God will do for us what we can't do for ourselves but won't do for us what we can do for ourselves. We're the ones who must take primary responsibility for what we allow to persist in our minds, and God's strength backs us up, but God won't oppose us. If we are minded to think selfishly, fearfully, resentfully, guiltily, or foolishly, God will stand aside and let us do what we want. If we earnestly decide to abandon self, the full power of heaven is on our side.

Television

Most television channels alternate between made-up drama and adverts for products. The mind is like that. It spends most of its time making up dramas, and the remainder of its time it spends displaying pictures of what it thinks you should acquire to make you happy.

Drama. Desire. Drama. Desire. Drama. Desire.

When you turn off a television, you have an opportunity to experience reality.

When you turn off the ego's channel, you also have an opportunity to experience reality.

How to change

Are you fed up with how you feel?
Are you willing to concede that if you are not at peace, your perceptions are wrong?
Are you willing to concede that if your perceptions are wrong, your beliefs are wrong?
Are you willing to ask for a new way to look at everything?
Are you willing to adopt that new way to look at everything even though it 'feels' wrong?
Are you willing to be disciplined in not indulging your old way of thinking?
Are you willing to act concertedly in accordance with the new way of thinking?

Friday, 17 March 2017

God's will and Dog's will

I was talking to someone on the phone this morning about expectations in romantic settings and whether expectations are legitimate. Sometimes people find relationships very difficult. You can buy very long books with lots of words in them about relationships. There are people you can pay money to, to talk about your relationships. There are even twelve-step fellowships to help you with relationships. There are hopes, fears, dreams, disappointments, grievances, demands, attempts to control and manipulate, and all sorts of other complicated things that people incorporate into their relationships.

The AA programme asks me to do God's will. Concretely, that means, 'Who does God want me to spend time with today?' plus 'How does God want me to be with that person?'

The second one is easy to define: patient, tolerant, kind, loving, useful. The first one is actually pretty simple: either God wants me to be with that person today, or God does not.

When you come into a room, and the dog is in its basket, it looks up. If it wants to hang out, it will pad or bound across to you and then do doggy things. If it doesn't, it will go back to sleep.

It is doing Dog's Will, which is pretty much the same as God's will.

Almost all of my relationship difficulties (and by 'relationship' I mean both romantic and non-romantic relationships) vanished when I decided to apply this simple question: Does God want me to see this person? If so, then I see them, and accept them as they are. When I succeed in doing this and do not complicate it, life is very simple.


Instant freedom from fear

Is anything bad happening right now? No. Is there something useful I can be getting on with? Yes.

Get on with it, and focus only on the task at hand, whilst realising the perfectly protective and benevolent presence of God.

Self-reliance

The Big Book suggests we're frightened because self-reliance fails us.

What is self? The sum total of false ideas about who I am.

If I believe I am a body, I am doomed to die, and I am separate from others, I will be frightened. If I rely on this perception of myself, I will be frightened.

If I believe I am spirit, I will live forever, and I am joined to everyone, I will be fearless. If I rely on this perception of myself, I will be fearless.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Open-mindedness

To get well I have had to be open-minded. This means accepting that when I am unhappy I am misperceiving. I then find someone whose perception I trust. I trust their perception because they are happy and effective in negotiating life and are useful to many people. If something works, it is being operated in accordance with the manufacturer's instructions; if someone's life works, that means that their perceptions are correct.

How to proceed

1. Discover you are unhappy.
2. Conclude your mind is broken.
3. Find someone whose mind is whole.
4. Ask them for the correct perception.
5. Adopt that perception.
6. Dismiss any counterargument, evidence to the contrary etc. ...
7. ... because this is emanating from the broken mind.
8. Let time, God, and experience heal the broken mind.
9. Discover that the counterarguments, evidence to the contrary etc. have disappeared.

How not to proceed

1. Discover you are unhappy.
2. Conclude your mind is broken.
3. Find someone whose mind is whole.
4. Ask them for the correct perception.
5. Argue with it and refuse to accept it.
6. Remain unhappy.

Dealing with difficult resentments

How to deal with a difficult resentment #1: accidents of birth

‘I’m resentful at the religion, country, family, social group I was born into.’ The object of the blame might be God, fate, parents, or luck, or there may be no object at all. The problem is that I am in pain now and blame these past or ongoing circumstances.

Where is my thinking wrong?

The reason I resented the setting I was born into was because I was in pain, and I believed that if my circumstances were different I would not be in pain. Actually, my pain was coming not from anything outside of me but from my false interpretation of my circumstances and the events around me. Since I was interpreting circumstances and events incorrectly, whatever religion, country, family, or social group I was in, I would have been unhappy. If I am unhappy now it is because of my current thinking not because of past events or circumstances.

There were likely many aspects of the religion, country, family, or social group which were good or neutral, yet I am focusing just on the negative aspects.

What should my thinking be instead?

The steps can give me a positive or neutral interpretation of any event around me. If I am unhappy at a circumstance or event, it is because I falsely believe it can harm me. I am a perfect child of God, born of spirit, and consisting only in spirit. I am not a body and I am not identified with my body or my material circumstances. In fact the suffering can come only from my own attack on that circumstance or event or my belief that it can attack me. If no particular circumstance or event can harm me, the larger setting—religion, country, family, and social group—no longer present a threat, either, and the cause of me being in that setting—God, fate, parents, luck—is no longer presenting a threat either. In addition, I can focus on the positive aspects or features of my religion, country, family, and social group and be grateful for those.

Affirmations

All external events are neutral. They have all the meaning I give them. The real world is not the material world but the world of spirit underlying the material world. I am perfect, whole spirit, born of the universe and connected with the perfect, whole spirit that extends through the universe until the end of and beyond space and time. I am perfectly safe and have always been perfectly safe. There is nothing wrong with me, even when I have unreal thoughts.

Step Ten practice

Watch for thoughts that blame anything external to me directly or indirectly for how I feel and switch immediately to repeating the above affirmation to block the negative thought and teach myself a new lesson.

How to deal with a difficult resentment #2: past pain and helplessness

‘My childhood was painful and I did not have the tools to deal with it.’ The object of the blame might be anything. The problem is that I see it as unfair that I should have had to suffer and that I was not given effective spiritual tools. This also covers the question of being an alcoholic and addict.

Where is my thinking wrong?

My own childhood was particularly painful, and apparently and demonstrably harder than that of many of the people I was surrounded by. In fact, my difficulties were very public and I spent a large proportion of my childhood overtly distraught. Whilst this appears unfair because some others suffered less, the false assumptions are firstly that everyone should have the same amount of suffering and secondly that that suffering is ordained or commanded by God or some other force on purpose. Existence on a material plane plus the exercise free will mean that suffering is inevitable. In truth, there were many good things about my childhood, and many things that could have been far worse. As a child I developed the habit of viewing all circumstances negatively and meditating or ruminating on them, and it is this that caused my suffering to grow beyond its normal bounds.

What should my thinking be instead?

I have now been given a choice to view any circumstance or event neutrally (see ‘How to deal with a difficult resentment #1), and I can retrospectively view any circumstance or event from my past neutrally. I acknowledge that I suffered greatly as a child but I recognise that my childhood is over. I need not feel sorry for myself that I was not given the spiritual tools then, because I have the spiritual tools now, and I am grateful for that, as many people go to the ends of their lives without being given the spiritual tools that enable them to reinterpret their lives and their pasts and on that basis to remould them. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I can ask God for the opportunity to teach as many people as possible the spiritual tools so that they in turn can teach still others and alleviate the suffering of as many people as possible. Furthermore, the more I have suffered, the more fuel there is for helping others. Each piece of suffering can be converted into an asset that can be used to help people who themselves are still suffering. I can therefore be grateful for everything that has ever happened to me. Even though I am and will always be an alcoholic and addict—which is one of the causes of the suffering in my life—those facts can be turned into shining lights to help countless people.

Affirmations

The universe loves me as a perfect creation of the universe, and I have now woken up from the bad dreams, which are over for ever. I am surrounded by spiritual beings I can connect with every moment of the day by being open to the idea of connection to all living beings in the universe. I am in fact already connected to all living beings in the universe, and all I need to do is to wake up to this established fact. I am being given everything I need to be OK, right now, by God, and eternity is this perfect moment. God is inspiring me to teach these spiritual tools to everyone I meet by using them myself, and I am thus saving the world, together with all other awakened beings who are doing the same.

Step Ten practice

Watch for thoughts of dwelling on the past, on unfairness, or the apparent spiritual emptiness of the world, past or present, and switch immediately to repeating the above affirmation to block the negative thought and teach myself a new lesson.

How to deal with a difficult resentment #3: angry God

‘God is angry, not loving.’


Where is my thinking wrong?

God is not angry. I was told God is angry by people who were angry and therefore thought that God was angry, because they were projecting the attributes of their ego onto God. I do not have the power to make God angry, as that would give me a lot of power over God’s mood, which I do not have.

What should my thinking be instead?

God is love, and I was created by love, so I am love. The only thing wrong with me is false perceptions that have no reality at all. These are not sin but error and illusion, and once they are dispelled they are gone forever. When I have illusions or am mistaken I am still a perfect child of God and I am not loved any less.

Affirmations

Love created me like itself. Holiness created me holy. Kindness created me kind. Helpfulness created me helpful. Perfection created me perfect. My resentments hide the light of the world in me. I cannot see what I have hidden. Yet I want to let it be revealed to me, for my salvation and the salvation of the world. Love created me like itself. Holiness created me holy. Kindness created me kind. Helpfulness created me helpful. Perfection created me perfect.

Step Ten practice

Watch for negative thoughts about God and switch immediately to repeating the above affirmation to block the negative thought and teach myself a new lesson.

How to deal with a difficult resentment #4: current circumstances

‘I hate my situation in life. I hate my job, my family, my financial situation, my social situation.’

Where is my thinking wrong?

First of all, see above.

Secondly, it is my experience of these things I hate, and that experience can be changed.

What should my thinking be instead?

I can accept everything I cannot change by withdrawing my judgement from it (see above). But many things can be changed. If I want to change something and do not know how, I can find someone who has achieved what I want, ask them how they did it, and follow their instructions. For instance, people who are successful and happy in their careers generally give good advice on how to achieve this. The same principle applies in all areas of life. I can ask God for the courage to change, which means exercising my will to take the necessary actions regardless of how I feel.

Affirmations

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change by withdrawing my judgement from them and seeing them as neutral. God, grant me the courage to change the things I can by taking positive actions to contribute actively to all areas of my life, every moment of every day. God, show me who I can talk to in order to obtain ideas about how to take positive actions to contribute actively to my life. God, grant me the serenity to accept the discomfort that arises when I take the rights actions to change my life. God, let me serve you not me; God, let me serve others not me: Thy Will Be Done.

Step Ten practice

Watch for negative thoughts about my present circumstances and switch immediately to repeating the above affirmation to block the negative thought and teach myself a new lesson.

Exercises


Serenity prayer exercise

Take a sheet of paper.

On one side write a list of all of the things to accept because they cannot be changed. Read through these items one by one, saying after each one, ‘This is a neutral person/situation/place/event/circumstance, neither good nor bad, and is perfect the way it is.’

On the other side write a list of all of the things to be changed and the practical actions I need to take to change them, with dates and times for when I am going to take these actions.

Gratitude list

If the resentment is against my childhood or parents, for instance, write a gratitude list of all of the aspects or features of my childhood or my parents which were positive, helpful, or otherwise good. Do this for any situation where there is resentment.

Readings

1. Is it good or bad?

Anthony de Mello tells about an old Chinese farmer. He had but one horse as his possession. He used this animal almost exclusively in all of his work. For example, when it was time to plough, he hooked the animal up to the plough, and it broke the ground for planting. When it was time to take the harvest to the market, he would hitch the horse to a wagon. When he wanted to travel any great distance, he would put a saddle on it and ride the horse. The horse played an important role in his life.

One day a bee stung the horse and, in fright, he ran up into the mountains. The old farmer tried to follow him but he couldn't keep up. He came home that night to tell the whole village that he had lost his beloved animal. His neighbours began to come in and say, ‘I'm sure sorry to hear about your bad luck, about your losing your horse.’

The old farmer shrugged and said, ‘Bad luck, good luck, who is to say?’

Two days later, the horse came back from the mountains and with him were six wild horses that he had met on the steppes. The old farmer was able to corral all seven of these creatures, which was quite an economic bonanza.

The word got around the village. The villagers came at night and said to him, ‘So glad to hear about your good luck, about all the animals that you now have.’

Again, the old farmer shrugged and said, ‘Good luck, bad luck, who is to say?’

His son realised what an opportunity this was to make some money. If he could tame these wild animals, then he could sell them to be farm animals. He began to try to break in these wild horses. One of them bucked him off one day, and he broke his leg very painfully in three places. Word got around the village and the neighbours came that night and said to the old farmer, ‘So sorry to hear about your bad luck, about your boy getting hurt.’

Again, he shrugged, ‘Good luck, bad luck, who is to say?’

Not long after that, a war broke out among the city-states in the province of China. The government came through and conscripted every able-bodied man under the age of sixty to go and fight. Because the son had been injured, he was not required to go, and that turned out to be something very good because every villager who was drafted into service wound up being killed in the war. Once again, ‘Good luck, bad luck, who is to say?’

2. 365Tao, 151, Actual

 The actual / Is only actual / In one place / And one time

When one listens to a barking dog, one might imagine emotion, pain, reaction, anxiety, and self-identification, but actually there is nothing there—just sound from a long and deep corridor, channelled out of nothingness and fading into nothingness again.

Like that dog, we may all strive, but there is truly nothing to be done. If we look deeply into our lives, there is only a thin veneer of self-generated meaning over an immense ocean of nothingness.

What we do has meaning only in the here and now. It will not remain in the next instant. Just do what you can for the present, and leave everything else to happen naturally. Work. Wash. Meditate. Eat. Study. Urinate. Sleep. Exercise. Talk. Listen. Touch. Die each night. Be born again each morning.

3. A case of mistaken identity


‘Reb Yitzchak of Vorki had a friend who was a rabbi of repute, but a great antagonist of Reb Yitzchak's rebbe [spiritual leader], Reb Simchah Bunem of Pshischah. The friend always had hard words to say about Reb Simchah, even in the presence of Reb Yitzchak, who never answered a word.

This attitude astonished Reb Yitzchak's followers, who asked him how he found it possible to hear such harsh language about his rebbe, and yet to hold his peace.

‘I will tell you about an incident that happened to me,’ replied Reb Yitzchak, ‘and then you will understand. I was once travelling in a certain city when a stranger approached me, looked at me for a moment, and exclaimed: 'That's him!' A second man did the same thing soon after, and then a third, and I had not the slightest notion what it was all about. Then I was approached by a deserted woman in need of a bill of divorce, an agunah, who was accompanied by a noisy little group of men, including the three who had approached me earlier. All in a chorus they showered me with curses and abuses, the gist of which was: 'You are the man who all these years has left this poor woman as an agunah!' They were so convinced that they knew who I was, that no amount of explanation on my part could convince them that I was not the irresponsible gentleman they were seeking. In the end I had to go along with them to the local rabbinical court, which accepted my evidence of identity.

‘Now while they were busy abusing me I was not in the slightest angry at them, because I knew that it was not at me that they were directing their complaints and their curses. They thought I was her husband, and had they known me better they would not have abused me. In a word, whatever they did, they did to someone else.

‘So, too, with this rabbi. When he says unpleasant things about my rebbe, Reb Simchah Bunem, I don't get excited, because I know that he talks this way only because he doesn't know my rebbe. If he knew him, he wouldn't say a thing. In a word, he talks about someone else, not about my rebbe.’

4. Is it there? A story by Daniil Kharms


Semyon Semyonovich puts on his glasses, looks up at a pine tree, and sees a bloke sitting there, shaking his fist at him. Semyon Semyonovich takes off his glasses, looks up at the pine tree, and sees no one sitting there. Semyon Semyonovich puts on his glasses, looks up at the pine tree, and once more sees a bloke sitting there, shaking his fist at him. Semyon Semyonovich takes off his glasses, and once more sees no one sitting up there in the pine tree. Semyon Semyonovich once more puts on his glasses, looks up at the pine tree, and once more sees a bloke sitting there, shaking his fist at him. Semyon Semyonovich is disinclined to believe in this phenomenon and considers it an optical illusion.

5. Who is God? Old Turtle, by Douglas Wood


Once, long, long ago …yet somehow, not so very long …

When all the animals and rocks and winds and waters and trees
And birds and fish and all the beings of the world could speak …and understand one another …

There began …AN ARGUMENT.

It began softly at first …

Quiet as the first breeze that whispered, ‘He is a wind who is never still.’
Quiet as the stone that answered, ‘He is a great rock that never moves.’
Gentle as the mountain that rumbled, ‘God is a snowy peak, high above the clouds.’
And the fish in the ocean that answered, ‘God is a swimmer, in the dark, blue depths of the sea.’

‘No,’ said the star, ‘God is a twinkling and a shining, far, far away.’
‘No,’ replied the ant, ‘God is a sound and a smell and a feeling, who is very, very close.’

‘God,’ said the antelope, ‘is a runner, swift and free, who loves to leap and race with the wind.’
‘She is a great tree,’ murmured the willow, ‘a part of the world, always growing and always giving.’

‘You are wrong,’ argued the island, ‘God is separate and apart.’
‘God is like the shining sun, far above all things,’ said the blue sky.
‘No, He is a river, who flows through the very heart of things,’ thundered the waterfall.

‘She is a hunter,’ roared the lion.
‘God is gentle,’ chirped the robin.
‘He is powerful,’ growled the bear.

And the argument grew LOUDER and LOUDER and LOUDER …

Until …

STOP!

A new voice spoke.

It rumbled loudly, like thunder. And it whispered softly, like butterfly sneezes. The voice seemed to come from … Why it seemed to come from …Old Turtle!

Now, Old Turtle hardly ever said anything, and certainly never argued about things like God.
But now Old Turtle began to speak. ‘God is indeed deep,’ she said to the fish in the sea; ‘and much higher than high,’ She told the mountains.

‘He is swift and free as the wind, and still and solid as a great rock,’ She said to the breezes and stones. She is the life of the world,’ Turtle said to the willow. ‘Always close by, yet beyond the farthest twinkling light,’ She told the ant and the star.

‘God is gentle and powerful. Above all things and within all things. ‘God is all the we dream of,
And all that we seek,’ said Old Turtle, ‘all that we come from and all that we can find.’

‘God IS.’

Old Turtle had never said so much before. All the beings of the world were surprised, and became very quiet. But Old Turtle had one more thing to say.

‘There will soon be a new family of beings in the world,’ she said, ‘and they will be strange and wonderful. They will be reminders of all that God is. They will come in many colours and shapes
with different faces and different ways of speaking. Their thoughts will soar to the stars,
but their feet will walk the earth. They will possess many powers. They will be strong, yet tender, a message of love from God to the earth, and a prayer from the earth back to God.’

And the people came.

But the people forgot. They forgot that they were a message of love, and a prayer from the earth. And they began to argue … About who knew God—and who did not; and where God was, and was not; and whether God was, or was not. And often the people misused their powers, and hurt one another. Or killed one another. And they hurt the earth.

Until finally even the forests began to die … and the rivers and the oceans and the planets and the animals and the earth itself …Because the people could not remember who they were, or where God was.

Until one day there came a voice, like the growling of thunder; But as soft as a butterfly sneezes,

Please, STOP.

The voice seemed to come from the mountain who rumbled, ‘Sometimes I see God swimming, in the dark blue depths of the sea.’
And from the ocean who sighed, ‘He is often among the snow-capped peaks, reflecting the sun.’
From the stone who said, ‘I sometimes feel her breath, as she blows by.’
And from the breeze who whispered, ‘I feel his still presence as I dance among the rocks.’
And the star said, ‘God is very close.’
And the island said, ‘His love touches everything.’

And after a long, lonesome, and scary time …

...the people listened, and began to hear …

And to see God in one another … and in the beauty of all the Earth.

And Old Turtle smiled.

And so did God.

Monday, 13 March 2017

Pain

Pain is a consequence of incorrect thought.
When I am thinking incorrectly, actually I'm not thinking at all.
My ego is thinking.
Except the ego's thinking is not thinking at all; it is white noise.
I am in the presence of my ego, which is producing white noise.
It is like a child angry because it has a red blanket when it wants a blue one.
How does one respond?

* * * * *

Imagine a radio on in the neighbouring flat.
It is broadcasting a play about horrors.
It is just a play.
Do not use the events occurring in the play to inform your perception of the reality of your life.
Let alone make decisions on the basis thereof.

Thursday, 9 March 2017

What is a sponsor?

A sponsor takes you through the Twelve Steps, advises on how to work the AA programme, and shows you how to apply AA principles to life.

A sponsor is not:

  • An emergency or blue-light service
  • A taxi
  • A doctor
  • A psychiatrist
  • A therapist
  • A friend
  • A housing service
  • An employment agency
  • A bank.

Monday, 6 March 2017

Step Twelve, carrying the message: a review

Not all questions will apply at all stages of recovery. Ideally, all of the following forms of Twelfth-Step work should be undertaken over the course of the day, week, month, or year, accordingly:

  • Sponsorship (a rough guide: a person should be able to handle at least one for every year of sobriety, so someone ten years sober should be able to handle around ten sponsees as a minimum)
  • Attendance at a home group every week unless dead, out of town, or contagious
  • Service at a home group
  • Unless active step work is being undertaken daily with sponsees, attendance at additional meetings to generate opportunities for sponsorship
  • Attendance at weekly AA meetings to carry a strong message where it is needed the most
  • Service within the AA service structure (intergroup, convention committee, workshop committee, area, district, region, national sub-committee, conference, general service board)
  • Writing for an AA publication
  • Writing own AA and recovery-related materials to publish anonymously online
  • Engagement in online AA forums
  • Attendance at weak AA meetings to carry a strong message where it is needed the most
  • Speaking at treatment centres, rehabs, etc.
  • Carrying the message to the outside world through public information work and/or through the local telephone service
  • Talking on a daily basis to newcomers or other people who are struggling
  • Long-distance sponsorship (e.g. to people in prison, 'loners', and people in places where there is little or no strong AA)
  • Work to improve knowledge of the traditions, concepts, service and structure manuals, and AA history
  • Presence on all relevant lists of twelfth-steppers available to the local AA telephone services.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

I'm working hard in AA; why do I feel disconnected?

How I feel is not related solely to how hard I'm working the AA programme. It's a function of (a) how hard I'm working the AA programme and (b) how strong my ego is. Imagine two runners. How I feel is a function of whether I'm ahead of the other runner or he's ahead of me. I'm responsible for the actions I take, but the ego is an unpredictable force. Sometimes it's weakened, for various reasons, and I don't need to do much to stay ahead of it. (This, by the way, explains the phenomenon of happy newcomers.) Sometimes it's given a whacking boost by external events, an uncovered reservoir of unprocessed spiritual magma that is bubbling up from within me, or identification, deliberate or unwitting, with people whose own egos are in the ascendant. Either way, I'm not responsible for that; I'm responsible for how I respond.

Does that mean I sometimes have to work the programme really hard just to stay afloat, let alone prosper and thrive? Yes. Sorry about that. I didn't make up the rules: I'm just observing how they operate.

The good news is that all of the hard work during difficult times does pay dividends, just not when you expect. Everything has its due return.

How do you deal with irrationality?

Lots of people are irrational. Sometimes we have to collaborate with them. How do we deal with this?

Tradition One suggests that we do not attack the other person or their planned course of action, because we need to maintain unity if anything is going to be achieved.
Tradition Four means it's your business; they're not autonomous because you're collaborating.
Tradition Two means you sort this out together. Avoid email. God speaks far more effectively through a group conscience held in person.
Tradition Five suggests you establish what your primary purpose is: raise the level of the discussion to the ultimate objective that you can agree you want to achieve.
Once you have an ultimate objective identified, look at what the available options are, including the irrational course of action suggested.
Examine how each of those is most likely to achieve the ultimate objective, and at what cost.
Do not appeal to pure logic and reason, as these are fallible resources:

... and ...

Instead, appeal to experience (the Big Book refers to experience as personal adventures). It's much more convincing.

If this works, great!
If not, and the irrational course of action is going to be persisted in, there are two options. Either you can bow out or you can put up with it. The latter is the case if the person in question is a superior and can pull rank. Have your objections noted and aim to be as helpful as you can. You have done your bit.

Al-Anon comes into play, here. As with alcoholics, who need to hit rock bottom first, sometimes people need to pursue the wrong course before they will be convinced that it is the wrong course, and we need to not stand in the way. As with alcohol, experience is sometimes the great persuader.


Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Pick one thing and go with it

Beware of spiritual dissipation: using five different meditation books in the morning but not applying any of them properly, systematically, or consistently, or constantly jumping between different faiths, disciplines, or worldviews.

This approach is sometimes more about a quick fix than anything: finding a little titbit that lifts your mood then going back to what you were doing.

Real spiritual change requires consistent and systematic practice.

Check this out:

What is a spiritual experience?

Pick a path and follow it properly. Give it three to six months, and then see if it is starting to 'do the trick'.

Small compulsive behaviours

Sometimes people dismiss small compulsive behaviours as being 'below the line', i.e. not serious enough to address. The mind is easily distracted and easily distraught, however, and apparently minor compulsions can be pervasive in their effect on mood. Consider cutting out, cutting down, or otherwise ring-fencing the following:

  • Sexual 'habits'.
  • Use of social media.
  • Watching the television, listening to the radio, playing computer games, or other ostensibly valid activities that are really 'Valium with a plug'.
  • Obsessively checking social and other media sources for the latest unnerving or enervating 'news' story.
  • Use of your smartphone (try 'greyscaling' it, i.e. switching the colours off so it's in black, white, and grey).
  • Use of sugar.
  • Use of caffeine.
This is not about being good or about being pure. This is about mental health.

This is also not about banning 'fun'. There's a difference between genuine fun (playing the piano, going out for dinner with friends, going for a walk) and what is essentially brain-tickling or fucking with your neurochemistry for a quick and worthless buzz. Obsessive news-following has nothing to do with being informed (if you really want to be informed, read proper volumes of non-fiction about current affairs by highly regarded economics and historians, not the latest thing a pal has shared on Facebook); computer games typically have all to do with dopamine and little to do with genuine engagement; etc.

If you're a human being (and that might be a big 'if'), you're wired for addiction, whether or not you're an addict proper, and much of the world of commerce is aimed at exploiting that. If you want better mental health, switch off, and if you can sit through the withdrawal, YOU will switch on.

Be a mensch, not a lizard brain.

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Acting out

Acting out on addictive behaviour is not about the addictive behaviour. It's about separation from God, so the system looks for a way to connect, and the addictive behaviour is a substitute for connection.

When I'm acting out, I have a problem in one or more of the following areas:

  • There's someone or something I haven't forgiven.
  • There's tension in a relationship and I haven't done my utmost to sort it out.
  • I allow negative thinking and think it's 'only human' so I should be able to get away with it.
  • I'm not meditating or not meditating enough.
  • My actions are not exclusively devoted directly or indirectly to serving God.
Half-measures avail us nothing. Sort it out.

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

How do I know if I have missed anything?

It's your Big Book. No one else needs to take you through it or tell you how to read it. If you're confused or want to get practical experience on how to apply it, sure, ask someone. But the power really does lie in your hands.

If you're struggling, however, to make the most of it, here's an exercise, to be used with the Big Book up to page 164, and even the stories in the remainder of the Book.

Ask yourself what each line and paragraph is for. Use coloured pens to mark up the text as follows:

  • Direct definitions of what alcoholism is.
  • Stories illustrating what alcoholism is.
  • Instructions about what to do.
  • Promises: the good things that happen if you follow the instructions.
  • Warnings about what not to do.
  • Consequences of not heeding the warnings.
  • General spiritual principles.
Almost all material in the Book falls into one of the above categories. Add other categories if this would be useful to you.

Then, respond to each:
  • Do I understand the definitions and do they apply to me?
  • Do I identify with the stories? How?
  • Have I followed the instructions?
  • Did I get the results promised?
  • Did I fail to heed the warnings?
  • Did I get the consequences of not heeding the warnings?
  • How can I incorporate the general spiritual principles in my life?
Then, get really wacky: ask God to show you all the other ways you can use the material in the Book to better work the programme and improve your life and the lives of the people around you, including the people you sponsor, and in your AA life in general.

Friday, 27 January 2017

Step Eleven in the morning: colour-coded

Blue represents instructions
Red represents prayers
Green represents promises
Strikethrough represents things not to do

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why. If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one’s priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer. As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works it really does. We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Turn off the television

Turn off the television

Wading through treacle

There are times, irrespective of the length of sobriety, when so much mental garbage accumulates during the course of every day that major spiritual surgery seems required each morning to even begin to cope.

Be aware that such phases are normal. They are not a sign that the truth is a lie and that goodness will not prevail but that the ego is putting up a stout fight, maybe because it is being bolstered by identification with other egos.

Continue continuing, and the road will get easier. And then harder. And then easier. And out of every such season, if you lean into the wind, more blessings will accrue to you and those around you than in easier times.

Here's a simple template for the Step Eleven Review

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.

NB: "But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others."

Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?

R [what I was resentful at; where my thinking was wrong]:
S [where I was selfish; what I should have done instead]:
D [where I was dishonest; what I should have done instead]:
A [what I was afraid of; where my thinking was wrong]:

Do we owe an apology [to whom? for what?]?

Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once [what? whom should I discuss this with]?

Were we kind and loving toward all [note positives and negatives]?

What could we have done better [just a few items will do]?

Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time [note instances of self-absorption]?

Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life [note positives]?

After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken [list any general corrective measures not itemised above].

Friday, 30 December 2016

Letting go absolutely



A rudder is a tiny piece of a ship, but its manipulation controls the direction of the ship. The person in charge of the rudder is therefore the person in charge of the direction of the ship.

My experience is that, when I am letting go 99%, I'm letting go of all of the ship except the rudder. I am apt to congratulate myself; however, the all-important last 1% is the precisely the element that must be let go off absolutely for me to be brought under God's sway.

Letting go is all or nothing: if I'm asking God's direction in all of the details but have not relinquished overall control of my life, the destination will be the wrong one, even if I approach the destination in a 'spiritual' way.

Monday, 26 December 2016

Is it wrong to say 'yes' when you mean 'no'?

I've heard it shared that one must be true to oneself. In fact, this sentiment is expressed on one side of many AA anniversary 'coins'. The questions is this, however: which self? The lower self or the higher Self?

I heard it asserted recently that saying 'yes' when you mean 'no' creates an unhealthy conflict because of lack of authenticity. This is predicated, however, on 'what one wants to do' being invariably aligned with God's will. The question for an alcoholic in recovery is not 'what do I want?' but 'what does God want?' If God's will is for me not to do something, then I must absolutely say 'no'. But if God's will is for me to do something, then I must absolutely say 'yes' even when I want to say 'no' and every cell of my being is crying out to say 'no'. This not martyrdom or self-sacrifice, because when self-will is out of alignment with God's will, it is because self-will wants what is not in my best interests. If I remember that God's will always represents what is in my best interests (ultimately and at the level that matters: the spiritual), there never need be conflict, even in the presence of illusions, provided I recall that illusions are what the potentially conflicting thoughts are.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

The bridge passage

Instruction 4—Bridge passage

When we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. (65–66)
‘Quite’ means ‘completely’, here.
This means that other people, on occasion, are indeed 100% wrong. That does not mean I am right. Both people can be entirely wrong. You may, on occasion, be entirely wrong for what you do to me. I am entirely wrong in holding onto it for twenty years and using it to beat you and other people over the head with.
This is not about dividing up blame between you and me; this is about separating responsibility and placing it where it belongs: you are fully responsible for your actions and reactions; I am fully responsible for mine. There are no ‘parts’. We are each 100% responsible for our actions and reactions; we are 0% responsible for other people’s actions and reactions. For example: we are responsible for our provocation, not for whether the other person responds to the provocation.
To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. (66:0)
The problem lies in believing that our happiness and satisfaction require the arrangement and re-arrangement of the world around us (cf. p. 61:1). If you are in any way responsible for my happiness and satisfaction, I will remain forever trapped. Even when I get my own way, and am temporarily happy and satisfied, I am immediately faced with the problem of repeating the feat or preventing the world from slipping out of its contrived alignment. And even if I do get my own way, you are in charge of my happiness and satisfaction, as these are dependent on your compliance, and your compliance is not something I can force on a consistent basis. I look like I am in charge; in truth, I am in a prison of my own construction. I am my own jailer.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harbouring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. (66:1)
I look back over the list: how much of my life have I spent aiming at happiness and satisfaction? How much of my life have I spent in futility and unhappiness? How well does my way of living work?
This is the first devastating insight: the delusion that we can wrest satisfaction and happiness from life if only we manage well (61:1) is starting to crumble.
The second devastating insight is this: when I am resentful, I am cut off from the sunlight of the Spirit. As we know from p. 55:2, ‘we found the Great Reality [God] deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found.’ When I am in resentment, I am locked in my own mind and emotions and in a body tense with frustration and suffering. Resentment takes me into the past and casts before me a future which is simply a reflection of this past. I am thus separated from my own spirit—and from God, as these can be found only in the present (‘May you find him now!’ (59:0)) To make matters worse, for us alcoholics, the mental defence against the first drink which comes from God can be found only in this elusive present: anything which takes me into the past or future takes me away from that which can provide a spiritual defence in those strange mental blank spots (42:0).
Note that the insanity of alcohol (the idea that a drink would be a good idea) returns when I am stone cold sober. Suddenly (36:2), at certain times (24:1), and I cannot tell when such times are going to occur.
And because of the physical craving, for us, to drink is to die, because, if I start drinking, I may never again be given a gift of sufficient desperation to create a space inside me for God to rush in and fill the void. I may never be able to get back to AA.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be dubious luxury of normal men, but for the alcoholics, these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrongdoings of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, ‘This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ (66:2–4)
The ‘entirely different angle’ in 66:3 will mean several different things. Largely, this will refer to the set of questions on p. 67:2, which will form the ‘fourth column’ of the resentment inventory, when we examine how we have affected other people in response to or in provocation of their (fancied or real) wrongs towards us.
See, also, the separate article: ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: the victim and her trusty companions’ (http://first164.blogspot.com/2010/04/snow-white-and-seven-dwarves-victim-and.html).
Before we arrive at this point, there is a necessary insight: I have spent a lot of my life concerned with what is right and wrong—how things should be versus how they are. The result? Futility and unhappiness. What is of more concern is whether I am free or imprisoned. The holding of resentment imprisons me. You slap me across the face, and it hurts. But I repeat the injury over and over and over in my mind and spend years being continually re-slapped. Do I want to be right or do I want to be free? If I want to be free, I do not need to say, ‘they were right all along’. As stated above, this is not about taking responsibility for the harm done to us; this is about taking responsibility for our reactions to the harm done to us (real or fancied). If I want to free, I must learn to keep my nose out of other people’s inventory. The accuracy of my inventory of other people’s conduct is neither here nor there. The fact that I am taking it indicates that I am playing a role not assigned to me. P. 68:2 indicates that ‘we are in the world to play the role He assigns’. Unless I am a prosecutor, a judge, a juryman, an executioner, a politician, a reformer, or a minister paid to sigh over the sins of the twenty-first century, other people’s inventory is simply none of my business.
Trouble is: my mind will keep taking me back to the wrongs (real or fancied) done to me. My powerlessness in Step One involves powerlessness over my own mind. I cannot bring about my own spiritual awakening; I cannot bring about my own psychic change. The result? The obsession and inner turmoil continue unabated, and my outer life becomes a manifestation of that inner obsession and turmoil. Inner powerlessness manifests as outer unmanageability.
It is rightly said that prayer is the only thing that brings about change (whether or not that prayer is consciously understood by the person praying to be, in fact, prayer: heartfelt petitions to the universe, wordless exclamations of the soul, can indeed be a form of prayer). Prayer changes us on the inside, inevitably. And, as our outward lives are merely manifestations of our inward reality, our outward lives change.
The solution to resentment involves two elements:
(1) Awareness
The awareness is that people who behave badly are likely cut off from their true spirits in precisely the way I am cut off from mine when I am behaving badly. Wildebeest cut off from the herd become frightened, aggressive, and erratic. People cut off from their true spirits, trapped in minds, emotions, and bodies, will become frightened, aggressive, and erratic.
To consider the futility and ultimately fatality of being trapped inside the mind, the emotions, and the body: my mind is a closed economic system, with one half manufacturing horse-crap and the other half buying it; my emotions have no judgement at all; and, whilst my body never lies, I, as an active alcoholic and addict, developed the routine ability to override its every signal in order to continue drinking or doing whatever else gave me temporary ease and comfort—at a terrible price. My mind would not let my feet rest. If I am operating merely out of body, mind, and emotion, I am liable to make some very bad decisions. I am liable to be in fear, and, like a frightened animal, I will be concerned only with my own protection.
The awareness that needs to be developed is that other people, when behaving badly, are as driven by fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity as am I when I am behaving badly (62:1). My pity, patience, and tolerance for them can and must flow from this realisation: they are as powerless, in the moment, over their behaviour as I am, in the moment, over mine. When I am being driven, I am not in the driving seat: I am like a horse-rider who has fallen from the saddle but has his foot caught in the stirrup and is being dragged for miles along the ground by a frightened, aggressive, and erratic stallion. I am not in control.
This is not an exercise in condescension: this is an exercise in seeing other people as I should be seeing myself—victims of their own egos, their own self-will run riot. Hence: pity, patience, and tolerance. They—like myself—are sick. Not bad. I am not on a spiritual hilltop; they are down here with me in the muck and the mire.
Ask yourself:
·         What might be motivating them
·         Have I ever had similar motivations?
·         Am I not like them?
(2) Prayer
The prayer will flow automatically from the awareness; awareness without power is torture, and I need power for change to take place. Awareness creates the conditions in which change can take place; I pray; and change is wrought within me.
Prayer № 1:
‘This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’ (67:0)
Note that this is not about praying for the other person. Such prayers are fundamentally good acts and may well form a great part of Step Eleven work. However, at this point, I am the one who is in trouble, not necessarily the other man. I am the one who needs saving!
Note: in some cases, I realise or suspect that my offence at a person is unwarranted as the person is not actually sick but simply in the way of my ‘little plans and design’ (63:1)
I will revise the prayer as follows, for such instances:
‘This may be a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’
‘This man is as he is. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’
The next paragraph:
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. (67:1)
... can also be turned into a prayer.
Prayer № 2:
God, have me avoid retaliation or argument, including in my mind. Have me be helpful. If I cannot be helpful, show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of this person.
This procedure—awareness and prayer—should be practised repeatedly on each of the resentments written about in the first three columns, in order to start the process of healing and detachment and in order to prepare us for the remaining part of the resentment inventory: the fourth column.